sanity is relative

I was some kind of male pirate, a Spaniard, and quite possibly dressed in oldschool pirate gear, yet I was being thrown in the brig on the USS Enterprise (original Star Trek TV version). I vaguely remember two other people being in the cell, and we were discussing how the cells were supposedly inescapable but I said something like I knew they weren't because I'd tested them for Starfleet and found a way out. (This sounds like something my brain ripped from the show or movies but I honestly can't remember.)

The way out was through the roof, and I got up into an area that was duct-work and then eventually weird spaces with large pipes running through them and big drop-offs on various sides of large metal surfaces that could be walked across fairly easily.

I found my way into someone's room, which was huge, and it turned out to be Uhura's. At this point I turned into Harry Mudd and tried to sleaze my way into convincing her that everything was fine and I was just gonna walk out the door now. She didn't buy it at first but after some more sleazing she was starting to believe me.

Then I woke up.


(Seriously, dream? You leave off with me as Harry Friggin' Mudd? The pirate was way better!)

It was the beginning of a science fiction movie, the camera view floating above the earth in orbit and approaching a very alien looking ship, all smooth curves and a large hole in the middle. Over the edge of that hole was crawling a very chattery sort of quasi-robot alien that was going to go down and spy on the planet. He jumped off the edge and headed down towards where gravity soon pulled him faster and faster through the atmosphere.

Now it was like there were two people instead, a man and a woman, and the guy was the leader and also me. We both used some kind of braking mechanism to slow our descent, but still hit the ground so hard it shook badly. We were now inside a building (that I don't remember having crashed through), and the damage from the shock was so great that it started cracking up the walls and breaking, daylight visible outside.

It was imperative to leave before anyone came to investigate, but outside it was obvious that there was a lot of confusion due to other buildings also suffering damage. Nobody seemed to take much noticed of the visitors who looked human enough, if maybe our clothing was a little oddly cut.

Later on, there were now three people in this group as if it had always been three, the third being a robot that had a skin-covering to make it look human, like an android. Now I was the girl, and we were standing beside a large cliff looking up it at a research center built at the top. To the left, the cliff had been hollowed out some by what must have been a huge impact that was still glowing red, like a meteorite had landed there not too long ago. Now the plot was trying to imply that the huge impact from earlier had happened there instead.

There was some kind of water system or dam above the impact zone, and it released water that rushed down into the hollow area. I was thinking that it looked like an awful lot of water, and backed up. The water hit the hot rocks and completely evaporated into steam. The robot guy and the man were busy trying to figure out whatever the heck we were there to figure out, and I stayed back even though the more obvious danger was over and there was no more water.

As they were deciding they should find a way up to the research center, there was another deluge of water and this time the rocks were cool enough that some splashed across the area where the other two were still standing. The robot seemed to find this most disagreeable, while I was giggling because it wasn't like they didn't have enough warning to get back to where I had stayed nice and dry. At least the robot guy's sensitive electrical workings were protected by his fake skin.

The scene shifted to possibly inside the research center, the plot wasn't very clear on that. I was now the guy in charge, and wearing a Star Fleet uniform in the style of the old show. It would seem the show was now reality for this dream though, as Captain Kirk was talking to me and making sure we were legitimate researchers on the planet. We weren't, but we were faking it. Spock was there, and as we were leaving the room, I saw him press something into a round vase he was holding and then give it to one of my allies who didn't notice anything wrong.

In the next room where we were alone and moving on elsewhere, I stopped and pointed to the vase, saying, "He bugged it." My associate nodded and either located the bug to destroy it or just left the vase in that room as we continued on. I'm not entirely sure, as I was thinking that perhaps it wasn't smart to have said that out loud, but then realized they probably weren't monitoring the frequency until after they got back to the ship. Either way, we were heading for a safer area where we could properly go on with our plans... whatever they were.

Then I woke up.

I remember trying to escape from Earth for some reason, on a space shuttle. I can't remember the exact reason, but I think I was escaping a foreign country and there was something important about me. There was a man escaping with me, a Bruce Willis type of character. He sort of seemed like a father/guardian type towards me and I was... sort of vaguely myself I guess.

The shuttle had to be going fast enough to escape orbit, and it did. Then there seemed to be some lady's voice narrating, saying something like, "Oh but wait, you set it too fast, and it's going to come right back down into the Earth!" (This makes no logical sense in relation to physics but since when did dreams bother with that?)

So yes, I could see the Earth coming right back fast and luckily the shuttle managed to crash into the Pacific Ocean somewhere. I survived the crash just fine but I think the Bruce Willis guy was dying (awwws!!) and definitely didn't make it through the crash itself. I was rescued (details on this and a lot of other things are sketchy or non-existant once I woke up), and flown in a helicopter with Dubya... aka the president I and so many others hate. He kept saying stupid stuff, and I don't mean stupid political things but like literally stupid word combinations and he seemed to think it was hilarious.

I was taken to a big-city hospital, not sure where but it was somewhere in mainland USA. I was in this random waiting room and it was getting late and they were literally shutting down various departments. They shut the rolling cover thing for the counter that the waiting room was for, and I realized I'd been forgotten somehow. I had nothing but the clothes on my back, nowhere to go, and some vague backstory about a hated and useless step-mother. Also, if the media knew I was there they'd be in an interview frenzy (which at this point I sort of would not have minded because maybe I could have said "uh, anyone got a couch I can crash on, while we're at it?").

I decided sitting around the waiting room all night didn't really seem like the best plan, and went out into a hallway. I found a couple of nurses who were done with work and heading to wherever they were going, and I followed them trying to talk to them. One of them actually figured out who I was, and said something about how I needed to be properly taken care of and she started calling people on her cell phone. I think she ended up supposedly arranging with Social Services to find me somewhere to stay temporarily. Somebody was supposed to take me there (possibly her, or they were going to find her to find me) and suddenly I had no idea where she went.

I was now feeling even more lost, and a lot of the lights were turned out in the hospital. I ended up in a stairwell between several floors, and found another lady who looked like she might work there, standing on one of the landings. I hung around her for a moment and then tried asking her if she knew what was going on or if she was the Social Services person I was supposed to meet, and it was obvious she had no clue. I tried explaining some of it, and then made a joke about how I'd gone from being someone really important (whether I wanted to be or not) to this.

Then I woke up.

(The title is a joking reference to the previous dream.)


This dream started as some weird sort of video game that was a combination of Riddick, LEGOS, and World of Warcarft. It eventually evolved into a fairly modern-day space drama that had nothing to do with any of that.

The initial bits of the setup are vague now, but there was a space flight to Jupiter and it seems like most of the crew died due to something beyond our control. The survivors were myself (a female astronaut), a guy who was probably the captain (let's call him Bob, he was played by Ed Harris), and Brian, another astronaut. Brian had some kind of form or paper inside a file cabinet or box on the ship that will come in later.

Once the mission was complete, even though it had gone so badly, there was an odd continuation from the game mentioned at the beginning of the dream, in that this tutorial computer voice or entity from that game said it was now time for an ethics test. The final test. Apparently everything else that had happened had also been a twisted test of some sort.

Suddenly the three of us are floating out in space, just beyond Earth's orbit. We're all wearing space suits but they're a kind that we know won't last all that long if nobody comes to get us (air supply issues and naturally if we get caught in Earth's gravitational field or some other planet's, we're toast). Our slow floating trajectory is taking us away from Earth, however, and we're wondering what on earth this test could be while frustrated at the helplessness of the situation.

We come across some floating space debris slowly going the other way, and realize that some of it is from the failed Jupiter mission. I try to hold on to some of it with my arms, legs, and feet and manage to end up with a few things floating along with us (so I don't have to hold onto them anymore, just sorta pay attention here and there to be sure the stuff is still with us). There's a cardboard box and a black metal box or chest of some sort, but dream logic doesn't always hold and at random the containers change without my noticing anything's wrong. Besides, at this point we randomly don't have space suits on at all, but it doesn't affect the dream's plot.

In the cardboard box is another space suit, although at times it looks like an orange down-feather-filled sleeping bag (like one my parents have). I hang onto it thinking there's probably something important to do with it, and keep looking through the box. Brian's file is brought up again, and Bob tells him to go ahead and take it as if it's some big kind of deal (the paper happens to be in the bottom of the cardboard box, inside a file folder... and by this point we don't have space suits on until next mentioned). I get the paper out and hand it to him, and he holds onto it like it's the thing he'd like to die with. We all kinda figure we're probably toast out here anyways.

I find one of my (real-life current and long-time) comforters in the box, and all of a sudden I just start crying. I hug the thing, it's like it's the dearest thing to the world to me right now, and so surreal to have it out here in space with me (yay, I found my thing to die with? lol). The guys sort of pick up on the vibe, but I think all they did was try to comfort me. I'm not sure what I did with the blanket but before long it wasn't there and I'd forgotten about it.

I was talking to Brian and found a handkerchief in my pocket. It had a vintage red and white floral pattern on it. For some reason it ended up in Brian's hand (did I give it to him? sort of let it go and it floated past him? I forget). Now I had gloves that sort of matched the handkerchief, but they were on my feet, and my feet looked like hands and I could even flex the fingers properly. Then my attention was taken away from that (and as far as I can tell, the hand-feet and gloves disappeared from the dream) as Brian asked if he could keep the handkerchief. I said sure. Then I said I hoped I hadn't used it lately, and could remember the feel of it before I'd let it go, and I knew I had, so I said so. But I said he could run it through the wash next time he did clothes and it'd be fine. Then I made a joke about, "Unless you never want to wash it again!" in that sort of voice like a starstruck fan who's had a body part signed by someone famous. (Brian no longer had the file mentioned earlier.)

Well, we'd figured out that the suit we'd found in the box was special. We figured the testing people were tracking it (or monitoring us some other way), and whoever ended up wearing it would be saved, while the other two would die (there was dim hope that if we all passed the test they'd rescue us all... but at this point the plot was so twisted, we weren't honestly sure). The suit was also a higher grade suit that would hold up longer in a falling-towards-a-planet sort of situation. Of course, it still wouldn't save a person from a head-long crash into unforgiving ground, but who's counting. We knew we should probably be debating who went in the suit (if anyone, as we sorta wanted to give the testers the finger)... but we weren't really talking about it.

But then I said to Bob, utterly serious, "Well, at this point I don't think I can live without Brian, and Brian can't live without me, so we default to you." I wondered if I should have double-checked this with Brian but I had a feeling... and although he hadn't been looking at me when I said this, after a few moments our eyes met and I was right. Yay random falling in love in space within a few moments! Anyways, Bob seemed to realize this was true and agreed with the decision. I helped him get into the special suit (yes, dream logic failing, but just wait till how badly...) which at this point looked like the sleeping bag version. I helped zip it up past his head, which was just about as far as it went. And yes, it was open at the top like a sleeping bag would be, but the edges were together (not like it'd make any difference).

Now Brian and I were wearing the (real) space suits we'd started out in. Brian had moved to hold me in his arms, and I asked Bob, "Want a push?" I think we'd figured out that the testers would assume the winner of the special suit would separate from the other two. So yeah, Bob knew this was the way it had to go. I gave the special suit (which was now some weird metal casing that makes no sense at all) a nudge with my foot, and because physics demands that we also change trajectory in outer space, we started floating slowly away from Bob as well. (Whoah, dream logic didn't fail in that respect! lol)

So Brian and I are floating along in outer space, bulky-suited arms around each other, with the bubbles of our space suit helmets resting gently together...

Then I woke up.

(This dream comes off best when written from the point of view of the dream character that I lived through for the following surreality. So yeah, enjoy the psychoticness lol.)


I am a girl, a child of 10 or 12 and my mind is a mess. I'm in a house. Or... a school? Both maybe. I think I killed someone. A teacher. They were being mean to a student. I don't know why I killed them... it's not my fault! Something inside me made me do it. But I do feel happy that they died. And I know I'm going to get in big trouble, the police are coming.

I run up through the house until I find a way into the attic and onto the roof. I hide there while the police look around the house. They can't find me... one stays behind just in case I show up again. Time passes, I don't remember what I did, did I just lay here on the roof? It's dark now. The cop is still in the house. I jump off the roof and run down the sidewalk. I stop running and walk so I'm less noticeable. Someone might still think it's weird a girl is walking alone at night, even though this seems like a nice neighborhood.

I realize something. I... I can fly! I know this! I don't know how I know this or why I can fly but suddenly I don't care anymore. I fly upwards into the night sky oh so fast and light. And I know something else now... I'm invincible. I think. I know I can fly through outer space though and it won't hurt me. I can even breathe just fine. I'm so happy, I fly through space past planets and then... then I know that I know my way home. Yes, I'm going home. I know it's out there, I have a home! I know nothing about it except where it is. I fly towards it.

The planet is a shifting mass of lava and cooling crust that bursts here and there from the swirling volcanic action underneath. I'm afraid... what happened to my home? Something horrible... and I'm afraid I'm not quite tough enough to go down there. It will hurt and I'll die. I get a little closer, trying to see if there is any place on the surface that has survived. Yes, there's somewhere... it looks okay, there are just some active volcanoes in the distance. I'll go down there and see if I can find anyone. Find out anything about my home and did I have a family here?

I touch down in a large meandering garden. There are two people here, they are dressed simply in white clothing that looks almost medieval-peasant-like, with hoods over their hair. I walk slowly towards them, I don't want to scare them, they have probably been through a lot and just now they saw me fly down out of the sky. Are they scared of me? They are looking at me. I ask them who they are and what happened here, what happened to my home? They don't say anything, they just look at me and they're looking at each other in quick glances. Do they not understand me? Do they speak some other language here? Wait... something doesn't feel right...

Then something happens, I don't know what happened, my mind hurts. There are a lot of these people all around me and I can't run, I'm so weak. Did they do something to me? Shoot me with something? I... I...... I realize too late I should not have come back here. They... they are bad. I don't remember why, but I know that now as I enter dark unconsciousness.

I wake up. I'm in a hallway under guard. There's a room nearby with glass doors and someone is inside but I can't see who because the room is filled with steam. My brain is fighting to get a hold on thoughts that fly past. This is familiar... this is familiar? I've been here. The steam-filled room doors open and a girl comes out wearing nothing. It's my turn now, says the guards. Time for my shower.

I'm in the shower now and have no clothes on. This doesn't really bother me because it's familiar. Something in my mind says I know this all too well. This is normal. But I'm afraid. As the water turns on, the guard in the control room makes it too hot. He's doing this on purpose. They do that sometimes. I... remember... I... it's so hot it hurts. I... remember it was always like this... someone would be unlucky... and they'd just take it. It was life.

No! I'm not going to let this happen. I'm going to fight! I don't even know for sure if I can, this room should be sealed so that someone like me can't get out. But I see metal things on the wall behind the shower heads. I'm strong, I can do this! I pull them out, I don't even know if this will do any good but I pull all the metal things out. Some are just some sort of metal button, a rivet maybe, and some have long metal wires attached to the back that come out as I pull. There are a couple small metal plates above this, I pull them off too. I know the guard room must be going crazy, I don't have much time before they come make me stop. I'm surprised they're not here yet, in fact.

Behind where the metal plates were are two smaller metal things that shock me a little when I touch them. I take some of the metal things I pulled out of the walls and touch them to the current. I can feel it going through my body, it's a little bit painful but more annoying than anything. I look behind me to see the glass doors opening very slowly.

I don't give up, I keep holding the wires until the doors are wide enough to get through. I run fast, they try to shut on me but I get through. I hear people yelling. I run out a big entryway in the hall and... I'm in what looks like an earth shopping mall? I don't have time to wonder what's going on. There is a store ahead of me across the large mall hallway but if I go in there they will surely catch me. I can't depend on luck to put a backdoor in that place. It's a dead end in my mind. I run to the right, but see guards running towards me. They look almost like earth mall security officers with blue shirts and police hats. I know I can only run, they have drugged me somehow and I can't fight or fly or anything special. I have a feeling I'm lucky I'm still able to run.

I run the other way along the mall hallway and find an intersection that branches again. I run one way but guards are coming that way too. I run the other way and there are more guards. They're going to catch me. I don't want them to hurt me. I lay down on the floor, I give up. I'm still wet and naked and I feel like I want to die. They reach me and do something that makes me very weak again and as I pass out I know that they will be watching me very carefully now. I have lost my chance to escape. They will probably even erase my memory.

I dream, my tortured mind conjures memories from before. From when I was here and knew this place as my only reality...

* * *

(At this point, the dream does a massive flashback to back when I was living in this place that had recaptured me, previous to whatever events brought me to the planet earth.)


I am standing among several rows of girls my age, and we are all wearing the same strange white or light-yellow uniforms of a simple yet futuristic cut. We are singing a song, it's a song about the company or organization that's running life for us and we're supposed to be diligently loyal to it. But some of the girls have figured out something is wrong with this setup. We're being used, brainwashed, they say. I believe it. We've made up different words to the song that are almost indistinguishable from the real ones, and we sing them extra quiet just to be sure. Oh we are such bad, subversive girls. We'll surely be punished if we're caught. But it's all we can do... right? They control all. One of them is a woman at the front of the group, she's leading us on in the song and cheering and acting like this is the greatest thing in the world. But every time we get to the word "great!" as in "such and such company is great!" those of us who know better whisper "hate!"

(At this point in the dream I had a moment of lucidity, just long enough to realize I had to get out of there, that it was very wrong and I should get the heck out as soon as possible. I lost the lucid moment but my mindset had gotten a sufficient shock to actively want me to escape, as opposed to singing subversive song lyrics.)

The song ends and it's shower time. I don't have the opportunity to run on the way into the shower, but once it is over and the shower doors open I run straight past the guard, he wasn't expecting that at all and I completely bowl him over. Ahead I see the shopping mall... wait... have I been here before? Strange, a thought that I've seen this before, but I've never... never... I think I have a memory that shouldn't be there... from the future? But the fragment is lost again and I just know I have to run. I'm wet and I have no clothes but I don't care, I run straight into the shopping mall place and across the hall into the store right in front of me. It has clothes, I thought I would take some but now realize I don't have time as I hear shouting behind me. I find a lucky backdoor and run through it.

I'm in a service passage now and then what looks like an earth Wal-Mart. How do I know that? Where's this information coming from? Yes, I know I'm getting some sort of feedback from the future now... but I keep running. I have to find some clothes, the people here don't seem to know about my escape but they'll know something is up if they see me like this. This looks like the lawn and garden section of the store. I'm looking for clothes as I sneak fast through the aisles... and then I'm wearing an oversized gardening apron. It'll work for clothing if nobody looks at me too closely.

I stop running and just stride purposefully through the place. If someone sees me they will think I'm working here or belong here, I'm on my way to do something important don't bother me. It works, nobody stops me and I see doors in the back of this place. I enter them as if I totally know what I'm doing. Here is a large shipping or storage room that's mostly empty. There are more doors in the back, large doors like a truck might pull up here. I can't get them open... I walk up a long plank to an opening to another area like the last but it's darker. Here I see more doors and there is dim light coming through the cracks underneath. It's natural light! A way out!

These doors open and I shut them behind me. It's very late evening outside, the twilight is fading even now. And I see immediately... kobolds. Kobolds like in EverQuest, the short humanoid creatures from the online Earth game (they look vaguely like werewolves if you've never seen them). These things must be some kind of last defense against the possibility of escape... I get the feeling the company probably kills them off periodically, finding them annoying but slightly useful. There are several of them here and they move towards me looking hungry.

I can't turn back. I'll die here if I must. But no, I look into their eyes and I remain calm. I stretch my hands out... one of them bites me lightly on the fingers but it decides it doesn't want to eat me. They think I am strange to be unafraid. They decide I'm their friend and they can tell I am weak and they want to take care of me. They like me. There are two now holding my hands and leading me somewhere. Away. This is fine, I will go with them. They take me down a hill and away from the evil place I never want to see again. They take me to their home, a strange set of passages and outdoor ruins of some building so long decayed that only basic foundations and the slightest hint of walls remain.

I'll stay here with the kobolds until I am strong. Until I can fly and be invincible again. Yes, I know I can be those things because... I'm not sure why. My mind, what's wrong with my mind? It's so... fragmented. I have trouble remembering five minutes ago, but I've seen things I can't possibly have experience yet... but... will? Oh, it hurts. I am just going to rest here in the kobold lair and leave when I can. I'll be safe enough here for now. The evil people will think I got eaten. They know I am weak, that I have been under the influence of their weird drugs, that I can't be my full potential until it wears off. And surely the kobolds would have had a lovely dinner of me by now. I creep a little ways into a kobold tunnel and lay down. I go to sleep.

Then I woke up.